Meeting summary for Kari & Steve (03/26/2025)
Quick recap
Steve and Kari discussed their personality traits, attachment styles, and the impact of trauma on their personal growth. They also shared their experiences with social anxiety, fear of rejection, and the potential for a deeper connection. The conversation ended with both expressing gratitude for their connection and the healing they’ve experienced, with a tentative date set for their next meeting.
Next steps
- Kari to send Steve the results of her openness quiz, including the ID number.
- Steve to review Kari’s openness quiz results.
- Steve to send Kari information about his “strangeness” and how it relates to creative power.
- Kari and Steve to tentatively plan for their next meeting on April 9th, pending Kari’s potential ski trip.
- Steve to provide Kari with a report on how Primary went on Sunday.
Summary
Kari’s Openness Quiz Results Discussion
Steve and Kari meet for a discussion. They briefly touch on a recent tragedy involving a suicide, which leads to a short conversation about the Church’s stance on the topic. The main focus of the meeting is on Kari’s completion of an openness quiz. Kari shares the results and ID with Steve, who initially has trouble accessing them but eventually figures out how to view the results.
Personality Test Results Discussion
Steve and Kari begin their meeting with a prayer led by Steve. They then discuss their results from a personality test, comparing their scores on various traits. Kari has high openness (86) and agreeableness (86), while Steve has very high openness (98) and extraversion (91). They both express surprise at some of their results, particularly Kari’s high openness score, which Steve suggests indicates she is more creative than she realizes. They also note differences in their conscientiousness and neuroticism scores, with Steve having a notably high neuroticism score of 94.
Compatibility and Trust in Relationships
In the meeting, Steve and Kari discussed their personality traits and compatibility. Steve expressed excitement about finding someone like Kari, who shares similar traits and has been a long-awaited discovery. They also discussed their attachment styles and the potential for a deeper connection. Kari acknowledged her cautious nature and the need to trust Steve more. The conversation ended with Steve emphasizing the importance of discernment and the potential for a meaningful relationship.
Kari’s Social Anxiety and Friendship Journey
Kari discussed her past experiences with social anxiety and fear of rejection, which she believes stem from a traumatic event in elementary school where she was excluded by her friends. She also shared her journey of discovering her giftedness and finding new friendships through a competitive soccer team. Steve acknowledged Kari’s struggles and offered support.
Attachment Styles and Childhood Trauma
In the meeting, Steve and Kari discussed their attachment styles and how they relate to their relationships. Steve identified Kari as having a fearful avoidant attachment style, characterized by a mix of fear of intimacy and fear of abandonment. This style often stems from childhood experiences of inconsistent caregiving. Kari shared her experiences with her father, who she believes has a dismissive avoidant attachment style, which could have contributed to her own attachment style. They also discussed the potential impact of childhood trauma on their attachment styles.
Trauma’s Impact on Personal Growth
Steve and Kari discuss the impact of trauma on brain development and personal growth. Steve shares his insights about Kari’s potential and the barriers she has built due to past experiences. He points out that Kari downplays her intelligence to avoid standing out, partly due to her kindness and past negative experiences. Steve emphasizes the importance of accepting one’s gifts and not denying them out of pride or fear of vulnerability. Kari acknowledges the accuracy of Steve’s observations, recognizing her tendency to suppress her uniqueness in an attempt to fit in and make friends.
Kari and Steve’s Heartfelt Reunion
Kari and Steve conclude their meeting by expressing gratitude for their connection and the healing they’ve experienced. They discuss Kari’s upcoming trip to Utah to visit family, and how they’ve improved their approach to family visits. Steve mentions he will continue to try to convince Kari that she’s special, despite her potential discomfort. They agree to meet again after Kari returns, with a tentative date set. The conversation ends with both of them praising Rachel Udy, a mutual friend who leads music in primary.
This meeting summary provides a rich psychological narrative of self-discovery, interpersonal connection, and emotional healing. Here’s a breakdown of key psychological themes:
1. Attachment Styles & Relationship Dynamics
- Kari appears to have a fearful-avoidant attachment style, which means she struggles with both intimacy and abandonment fears. This often results in hesitation to trust others, despite a deep desire for connection.
- Steve seems to be playing the role of a secure base, offering support and insight, encouraging Kari to trust more and acknowledge her strengths.
- The discussion about Kari’s father having a dismissive-avoidant attachment style suggests intergenerational patterns of emotional distancing that might have influenced Kari’s relational fears.
2. Personality & Identity Exploration
- The analysis of their Big Five personality traits reveals self-awareness and curiosity about their psychological makeup.
- Kari’s high openness and agreeableness suggest she is receptive, creative, and compassionate, yet possibly prone to people-pleasing.
- Steve’s very high openness and extraversion align with an intuitive, expressive, and exploratory personality, but his high neuroticism (94) suggests emotional intensity and sensitivity to stress.
- The contrast in their conscientiousness and neuroticism might highlight differences in emotional regulation and life organization.
3. Trauma & Personal Growth
- Trauma is a core theme, particularly its role in self-perception and social anxiety.
- Kari’s early experience of rejection in elementary school likely contributed to her cautious approach to relationships.
- She has learned to downplay her intelligence and uniqueness to avoid standing out—an adaptive but ultimately self-limiting response to past negative experiences.
- Steve’s role as a challenger—encouraging Kari to embrace her giftedness and authenticity—hints at an emerging growth-oriented dynamic.
4. Healing & Connection
- Their dialogue moves from self-exploration to mutual appreciation, with both expressing gratitude for the growth they’ve fostered in one another.
- Steve’s insistence on convincing Kari of her worth suggests a mentor-like role, though it’s worth exploring whether Kari feels fully comfortable with this dynamic.
- The meeting ends on a hopeful note, with a tentative commitment to continue deepening their connection.
Potential Psychological Insights
- Steve as a “mirror” for Kari → He challenges her self-perceptions and encourages personal evolution.
- Kari’s cautious trust-building → This aligns with her attachment style, requiring patience and consistency.
- The impact of trauma on identity → Kari’s past experiences shape how she interacts with others, particularly in high-stakes emotional situations.
- A dynamic of mutual healing → Their connection seems to provide a safe space for growth, though careful attention to emotional boundaries is key.
