Childhood map of Jelly Belly Bear’s world.
Halfway between Moscow, Idaho and Troy Idaho on Teare road.
Illustration by Brad Teare.
Ten Rules of Teddy Etiquette, Decorum, and Propriety
1. Pinching, squashing, and bouncing may be humiliating. But a proper Teddy Bear must never frown, scowl, or complain. Even if no one is looking.
2. If a Teddy Bear’s stuffings should come out, there are several things he may say in a polite voice:
- “Excuse me, my friend. Would you poke my stuffings back, please?”
- “I say, old boy. I’ve popped a stitch. Please, save my stuffings or I will deflate.”
He never says things like:
- “My innards! You’ve murdered me!”
- “How would you feel if your brains were laying on the floor?”
3. A Teddy Bears never says ugly words like Puker, Stinker, Birdbrain, Earthscum, or “Make my day!”.
4. Teddy Bears only associate with pleasant people.
5. Teddy Bears do not tell:
- ghost stories
- monster stories
- space stories
- stories about fires, accidents, or crimes
– unless they are funny (which they never are).
6. Teddy Bears make silly mistakes. This is why they get in trouble often. But, Teddy Bears never resort to:
- magic
- secret panels
- intergalactic death rays
to get them out of a:
- fix
- predicament
- flub.
They rely on Friendship, Luck, and Nature.
7. Teddy Bears must-read. They read old poetry, classic novels, world history, and turn-of-the-century science books. Teddy bears do not watch MTV, rental videos, exercise DVDs, or cheap movies.
8. Teddy Bears do not like things that are splintery, spiny, prickly, or unpleasant to touch.
9. Teddy Bears have fantastic imaginations. This is okay. Which world is the most fun—the imaginary Teddy Bears or yours?
10. Teddy Bears rarely worry, fret, or moan. Except, about a messed up article belonging to someone else. Most likely yours. Oops!
Steve Teare
Author copyright 2022
